Thoughts on Turning 2

Excuse the "rambling"....this was written late last night!

It's HARD to turn 2 years old!!!  Our "baby" turned 2 yesterday, and he spent most of today crying!  He had a special day yesterday, but today the "terrible" part of the "terrible 2s" was a reality!  He did not like that I needed to go to the church and work for about an hour and half on our church's Children's Ministry program this morning.  Then, he was over-tired and didn't want to eat lunch, and so he cried and refused to eat.  Therefore, I put him to bed....what he wanted...."I go night night now peez!"  He kept complaining of a "bug in my ear" (which my family is "blessed" with ear, nose, and throat "drama"....between my 3 children, we've had 5 sets of tubes and baby boy was 7 months old when he received his!) and wouldn't go to sleep.  He screamed his head off.  I rocked, sang, read and gave motrin, and he finally went to sleep!  Thankfully, my husband's schedule allowed him to come home and work while I ran our oldest two to the dentist.  Then, the afternoon "craziness" began when we arrived home with fall baseball practice, homework, supper to cook, baths, bedtime routine, dirty dishes, laundry, etc....You get the point!  However, Mr. Boy cried for about 2 of those hours until we were finally able to get him in bed at 8:15!  One of our oldest son's vocabulary words this week is "tranquil."  He rightly made the sentence, "It's only tranquil in our house when everyone is asleep!"  SO VERY TRUE!  (Side note:  I was able to get his ears checked, and he doesn't have an ear infection....he's cutting his last 2 year molar, and I think it's causing residual pain in his ears).

All the children are now asleep.  There are piles of unfolded clothes on my couch.  My hubby is still working/preparing for a class he's teaching, and instead of going to bed (and still ignoring the laundry), I'm sitting at the computer typing, too!  Very wise use of my time!   The point of my post is that I survived the hectic day and really my feathers only got ruffled when I was almost late to the dentist appointment.....not because my 2 year old screamed all day or pitched a fit or almost turned his chair over backward (he's in a booster seat in our dining room chair) at the dinner table.  This is a HUGE accomplishment for me!  When our oldest was 2, I stressed about EVERY little thing.  (If you read my "About Me" section you saw that I'm a Type A PERFECTionist, so "stressing" is what I do best! ha!) Mind you, oldest Mr. Boy started his "fits" around 20 months old!  And, everything was magnified with the fact that I was very sick from pregnancy with our daughter.  We had just moved to our current location, and I was so stressed about making a good impression, stressed about making sure that oldest Mr. Boy wasn't labeled a typical "Preacher's Kids," (and he's red-headed to add to the "attitude"!), stressed about what people thought of my parenting/lack of parenting "skills", and just stressed in general that it's an absolute wonder that oldest Mr. Boy seems to be a normal, healthy functioning 7 year old and not on medication for ulcers and OCD!!!  Looking back, I know that there were many times that I "over-disciplined" if you will because I simply forgot that oldest Mr. Boy was 2 years old and not 20 or 12!!  Yes, it's vital to discipline and to correct and yes even to SPANK....I said it and yes, we spank....on the bottom....done in love and not anger.....but it's also vital to remember that God created these beautiful little people and gave them their "spirited" personalities.  I love James Dobson's book The Strong Willed Child because it deals with "molding/shaping" the will rather than "breaking" the will.  And, believe me, I have 3 strong willed children!  Passive is NOT in our vocabulary in this house!  ha!   

I know I've got a long way to go with this parenting thing!  ha!  Many of you seasoned moms are probably thinking "Oh My, this poor girl....little does she know! Wait until preteen/teenage years arrive!"  Yes, I know we have many more seasons of parenting to look forward to, but I also know that as believers our roles are to model Christ, teach Christ, be teachable from Christ's truths through His word, and pray for wisdom, seek to be consistent, loving, and firm in molding/shaping our children, and most importantly instilling Biblical truths in their little hearts about who God is and why He loves us and why He gave them to us to shepherd/parent for a "season" and why His heart "hurts" when they disobey and act ugly and throw fits and why His heart "hurts" when I as their mommy disobey Him, act ugly toward my family, and throw fits as well.  I've found it's so easy to discipline my children and get so frustrated.  I often find myself saying "if it's not immediate it's disobedient" and getting upset over the lack of immediate obedience, and then God gently whisphers in my ear.....are you immediate in your obedience to me?  How often do I as your Heavnly Father have to repeat truths over and over and over?  How often do I show you grace and mercy?  Yes, there are consequences to disobedience, and children must learn that and know that.  However, we as parents need to be reminded of that truth as well....or I know I do! 

So, as I wrap up this 2nd long post in a row, I'm praying for continued wisdom in parenting, especially as I embark on this season of "terrible 2s" with my little man!  May I shower him with love, grace, mercy, firmness when needed, correction/discipline, and a swat with "Mr. Pop" when it's out of control!

Side note from today, Tuesday, September 10:  I stopped by Lifeway this morning on my way home from another appointment and purchased the book Shepherding A Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp.  I've heard great things about the book and have had several people ask me if I've read it, and my sister-in-law is helping co-lead it at her church.  So, I thought it was time for me to read it!  And just let me say, there are TONS of books on parenting as you all probably know.  While standing in Lifeway taking some time to glance through several others I had not read, the thought struck me...."What did people do before all of these 'guides' to parenting were written?  How did any person turn out to be a "normal," godly man or woman without his/her parents reading these books/thoughts/wisdom/"how to" on parenting?  The answer:  By being a student of The Bible!  I know.... "Sunday  School" answer! ha! But, it's true!  Now don't get me wrong, I believe that books and studies are great resources to use and that there is much wisdom to be gained and learned from wonderful, godly men and women who have walked the parenting path and raised great men and women of God.  It's Biblical ---mentoring.  However, we have to glean truths that are Biblical and remember that the only "PERFECT" way to parent is in the center of the will of God!  And, that my friends, is a daily, step by step, moment by moment, "give it all to the Lord" process! 

Most Likely to "Not" Succeed

Okay, this one is "kinda" long!  I actually started thinking about blogging/writing about 3 years ago.  In fact, I sat down to begin toying with writing in May of 2010.  That same day, my husband began a 3 week long "adventure" with kidney stones, and I never returned to my "adventure" of writing.  The following are my thoughts from January 24, 2013.  I was in the middle of a "moment" of not feeling adequate, and so I sat down to "pen" my thoughts.  It just so happend to turn into a 4 page, double space "paper"!  ha!  So, you may need more than a "minute" to read this!

Most Likely to “Not” Succeed

     What a title….right?...especially considering I was the Valedictorian of my high school graduating class, and I was voted “Most Likely to Succeed” in my graduating class’s list of “Who’s Who.” But, I feel that a more adequate “Who’s Who” title for me would be “Most Likely to ‘Not’ Succeed”, at least according to the world’s standards. Why do I feel this way? Well, as my pastor husband says, “I’m glad you asked!”

     To begin with, I am currently sitting at my computer in my home, which is in desperate need to be cleaned from top to bottom and de-cluttered! My house is a complete disaster!!! And, there’s really no reason in the “world’s eyes” it should be this way because I am one of the “privileged stay-at-home moms” who goes to the gym every morning while a nanny prepares breakfast for my 3 children and gets them off to school. Then, a housekeeper arrives and cleans and straightens my house from top to bottom on a daily basis, while I shop and have lunch with friends. I arrive home just in time to get in the car line to pick my children up from school and to assist with homework while dinner simmers on the stove (which my housekeeper prepared), Now, don’t I wish!! Ha! This is the furthest thing from reality!!!

     Each day is a whirlwind from the time the alarm clock begins buzzing (at least 20 minutes before I actually “have” to get up so I can hit “snooze” a couple of times) until my head hits the pillow at night, which is usually around midnight! God has richly blessed my husband and me with three wonderful children – 6 year old son (1st grader), 4 year old daughter, and a 16 month old son. My husband is a pastor of a “smaller” congregation, and therefore, the money does not “overflow-eth.” However, God has met our every need, and He continues to do so faithfully. So, no, I absolutely do not go to the gym…can’t say that I would even if we could afford it….I do NOT have a nanny or a housekeeper!!! I have a four year degree from a wonderful university as well as some hours toward two different master’s degrees all to say that I am the following: A wife, a mother, a daughter, a cook, a nurse, a housekeeper, a counselor, a referee, a taxi service, a “room-mom”, a laundry service, a servant at church, and the list goes on and on.

     So, as you can see, in the “world’s eyes” these tasks seem menial and don’t seem to belong to someone who was voted “Most Likely to Succeed.” So, the question remains, do I think I am successful? Honestly, that question has been a struggle for me lately, especially as my husband and I have struggled financially….it seems that the solution would be for me to “go to work”…..a.k.a. work outside the home. However, if I did, I would miss out on those little moments that make my job the most wonderful in the world, such as cleaning up a baby covered in diarrhea from head to toe, stepping in a puddle of fresh spit up, reading and cuddling with a sick baby, having my four year old daughter “do” my make-up, hair, and finger nails, playing ninja with my “big” boy, jumping on the trampoline and playing baseball instead of cleaning house, packing lunches each morning, attending field trips, and the list goes on an on.
    
     I am currently reading Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis, and I came across a quote in her book that brought tears to my eyes because it describes perfectly how I feel. She states, “By God’s grace, even in the hard moments, I knew that the job of being a mother was what God had created my heart for” (Davis, 63). Wow! That describes me to a “T”! From a very young little girl, I knew that all I wanted to be “when I grew up” was a mommy. I carried my homemade Cabbage Patch dolls around with me everywhere, and my mom gave me a couple of my little sister’s disposable diapers to put on her….which I recycled over and over. Disposable diapers had just come out and were such a treasure to have, so mom rightfully encouraged me to “wash” and reuse them! I remember a special trip to the dollar store to purchase one of my babies a new bottle, which I have to this day, and my daughter now uses for her babies!

     I had a difficult time deciding on a major for college, and I never worked in the field in the one I did pursue because I always new that I always wanted to be “just a mom.” I told my husband (who I dated throughout high school and college) repeatedly that I never wanted to work outside the home once we had children. So, we tried to prepare the best we could for that, even knowing that he was going into the pastorate. I taught school before our first child was born, and after his arrival I stayed home with him until he was 6 months old. At that point, my husband and I decided that the best choice financially was for me to go back to work part time so that we could continue buying groceries and diapers! I have nursed all 3 of our babies for a year, so at least we have saved money on formula! The Lord graciously provided a teaching position at a Technical College where I had a wonderful working environment and flexible hours. It truly was a blessing.

     I worked there a little over a year, and then the Lord moved us to our current city where my husband is the head shepherd of our church. Shortly after moving, 3 weeks later to be exact, I found out that I was expecting our precious baby girl. And, so the past 5 years of our lives began in a whirlwind of adjusting to a new home/pastorate and severe morning sickness with a 20 month old going through early “terrible twos”! We have made it through trials—spiritual, physical, emotional, financial, and we are stronger for it. I never went to work outside of the home once arriving in our current location. However, it hasn’t been easy, and I do question my sanity often and if we are doing the “right thing,” especially from a financial standpoint. But, I wouldn’t trade the memories and the opportunities I’ve had to invest in my children for this season of their lives. I fail daily. I lose my patience, I get frustrated, I yell at my children for no reason, I doubt, I worry, I cry, I struggle with the feeling of inadequacy…..I’m human….I know that Satan is the author of those feelings…..but I also know that I’m Redeemed by the Blood of THE LAMB! I know that as long as I strive to live my life for HIS glory, then yes I am successful….if my children see Christ in me daily (even when I “mess up”), then yes I am successful….if I can show unconditional love and grace and mercy to others, then yes, I am successful….and if I know I can only do these things through Christ, then yes, I am successful!

     So, my prayer is that I can continue to remember that I am a daughter of the King of Kings, and my value and self-worth and “success” is only found in Him. I realize that for many women staying at home with your children is not an option financially, and so I pray that this is not offensive to you. This is just an out-pouring of my heart and my struggles as a daughter of Christ. I hope that this will encourage other stay-at-home moms who choose to make sacrifices, especially financially, to realize that it is truly worth it and that we are truly successful, even if it doesn’t appear that way in the “world’s eyes.”

Why a Blog?

Our lives are flying by with each "tick" of the clock.  I read others' blogs on occassion and wish that I was documenting our lives better.  We are also a ministry family who has experienced much in our 9 years of full-time ministry, and I want to "journal" ministry experiences, thoughts on "pastoral" parenting, and more importantly the fact that WE ARE REAL!!!!  I think for many couples and individuals embarking on a life of ministry there is a misconstrued belief that ministry families must portray a "perfect," "put-together," "we got this," image at ALL times.  However, we are NOT like that....hence the blog name "imPERFECT."  We are a REAL family living in the reality that a life of full-time ministry is hard....often paralyzing us with exhaustion and defeat..... but we find strength and comfort knowing that we are surrounded by the love of Christ and made PERFECT only by HIS blood.  We fail daily, often moment by moment, but when our Sovereign Lord looks at me, He sees PERFECTION.  So, even now with my misuse of pronouns - switching from first-person to third and back to second, you will see that this blog is going to be REAL and full of imPERFECTion!