“Is It Harder Than the Cross?”

Below is a letter I typed to our close family and friends in January of 2016 as we were beginning the Foster Care Certification Journey.  We did wait until our Social Worker with CrossRoads NOLA came back from maternity leave.  We officially submitted our application on July 24, 2016, so we must be certified by October 24.  Our last Home Visit is scheduled for September 22.  I share this below so you all can have a glimpse into how we arrived on this Foster Care Journey and so that you can know how to pray for us.  My goal is to periodically update this blog to be able to further communicate where we are in the process and what specific needs we may have.  Thank you!

“Is It Harder Than the Cross?”

“Is it harder than the cross?” My question was answered with that question, and it penetrated my soul.   My question to Teri Hrabovsky in her “Multicultural Issues in Foster Care and Adoption” breakout session of the Equipped to Care Fostering and Adoption Conference was “How do you and your family handle the difficult emotion of letting a child you have fostered and grown to love go back to his/her family knowing that he/she could be going right back into a terrible situation?  I know it is so hard.”  Her response was convicting…hard…challenging.  I had never thought of struggles exactly that way before….is what I am going through/dealing with harder than what Jesus did for me on the cross?  Mediate on that question for a minute.

Bo and I have been praying for years about the possibility of adoption, and Bo actually approached me two years ago asking me to consider fostering.  My immediate response, “Absolutely not! I could never give a child back!!”  However, after attending the Equipped to Care Conference, God started working in our lives (especially my life) concerning the great need for Believers to foster children.  John Fuller, VP of Focus on the Family's Audio division and the co- host of the daily Focus on the Family radio program, made the following statement in the Friday night general session of the conference:

            “If God has called you to care, then He’s equipped you to care.”

I have been taught that truth, but hearing it in the context of this conference, I once again was convicted of how little faith I had concerning God’s call on my life.  If God was truly calling us to adopt or foster, how could I doubt His equipping Bo and me to do so, even in the emotional part of having to let a child go?  Fuller also made the statement that “not everyone is called to adopt but all are called to care” which is based on James 1:7.  As believers, we all have been taught that truth, especially as Southern Baptist as so much focus in recent years has been placed on orphan care.  Bo and I have participated in orphan care throughout the years, but at the end of this conference, God confirmed the call that we needed to take the next step of bringing an orphan or a child who has been abused and/or neglected into our home to show Jesus’ love to him/her.

When we decided to move to New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary last year and then made the decision to homeschool due to the quite unusual school situation in New Orleans, our primary concern was how were we to engage the lost in an effective manner and teach our children how to engage the lost in a meaningful way.  Our children have been in the Public School System in Alabama, and we had a great experience not only academically but also emotionally, socially, and spiritually.  The children as well as Bo and I were able to form friendships with people outside the walls of the church and within our community.  The children were able to engage socially with people who were different than them—children who only had food when they were at school, children who didn’t have the same skin color as them, children whose parents did not care for them well, children who came from very broken homes, children who needed to see Jesus and hear about Jesus.  We prayed over our children every morning before they walked out the door to school that they would be Jesus to these children, that they would tell these children about Jesus, and they would be a true friend to these children.  They were given real world experience of engaging the lost at young ages.  Nic Ripken, a retired IMB missionary, shared during Chapel the week before the adoption conference that so many of our churches and theological schools are training “the sheep to be sheep among sheep, but we need to be training our sheep to be sheep among wolves.”  Again, a powerful statement.  He put into words what Bo and I long for our children….to know how to live in a lost world and engage the lost for the Gospel. 

As we have been living on the NOBTS campus as a family for the past 7 months, we have constantly been asking ourselves, how do we engage the lost? How do we teach our children to be “sheep among wolves,” what does that look like for our family who lives in the “bubble” of the Seminary and homeschool? Of course, we must engage with a local body of believers in our community, and we are.  Our church is intentional about being in the community and trying to build meaningful relationships and share the Gospel outside the walls of the church building.  However, we feel that we need to do more.  So, once again, fostering rings loudly as a great opportunity to show Jesus love, grace, and mercy to a child who has no hope, who has come out of unthinkable situations, and “who has been among wolves”, so to speak.  What an awesome way to teach our children to love another child as his/her own sibling and show Christ to that child through meeting physical and emotional needs.

We would love to foster a child with the purpose of adopting and bringing that child into a “forever family.”    What a beautiful example of Christ adopting believers into His family!  I know it is going to be hard.  In fact, in my mind, it would be much easier to raise $30,000-$40,000 for an outright adoption than it would be to foster a child and have to give the child back to his/her family.  However, “is it harder than the cross?”

We do not know what the future holds for our family.  We do not know what fostering will look like for our family.  We do not know if we will adopt.  We just do not know.  However, we do know that we need to take a step of obedience.  We do need to continue to pray and ask God to continue to direct our path as we step out in faith.  We do need family and friends to intercede on our behalf.  We do need support and encouragement. 

We are pursuing fostering with the intent to adopt through Crossroads NOLA, which is a ministry of Louisiana Baptist Children's home and First Baptist New Orleans.  They act as an advocate for Christian families who want to foster children through the Louisiana Department of Children and Family Services.  (You can read more about Crossroads NOLA here: www.crossroadsnola.org) We are assigned a Social Worker with Crossroads NOLA and a Social Worker with DCFS.  With Louisiana, once you complete certification to foster, you have completed adoption certification as well….it’s dual certification.  So, that is a good component of the process.  Right now, we want to stay in birth order, and we will be certified for 0-4 years.

The statics of what happens to foster children who “age out” of “The System” is staggering.  Very few actually go on to be healthy adults.  Most end up on drugs, in prison, on welfare, and continuing a cycle of destructive behaviors.  We are praying that our family can be a part of the redemption story of a child out of a life of poverty, physical and emotional abuse, substance abuse, and unimagined horrors.  We know through Jesus Christ that all things are possible! 

We look forward with anticipation to what the future holds for us.  I will be honest, I do have to fight anxiety and fear.  But, I continue to go back to the question, “Is this calling harder than the cross?”

Love you all, and thank you so much for being a huge part of this process for us!

Bo and Rebekah

Are Christians Who Boycott Target Not Portraying Christ?

     This is a question that seems to have Social Media and the Internet aflame, especially in light of Target’s declaration. I have read numerous blog posts and Facebook posts that caution Christians to make sure our words are portraying Christ, and I completely agree with those words of warning and caution. I have also read posts that have questioned whether or not boycotting will actually draw a person into a relationship with Christ or will the boycott actually push people away from Christ, and I have read posts from Christians who have expressed their opinion that fellow Believers should not boycott Target and those who do are not being very wise and are actually being quite ridiculous by being so upset. They argue that Christians should not expect a company who does not claim to be a “Christian Company” to base business decisions upon Christian morals and values, so Christians should understand that the “world is going to act like the world.” I also read that the world is going to get worse and worse, so Believers should just accept that….we are living in the end times. I have also seen the argument that the backlash from Christians stems from ignorance and fear. I have pondered all of these stances over the past few days, and I wanted to share my thoughts on the situation. They are as follows:

1. As Christians, we are to above all reflect The Gospel – the death, burial, and resurrection of Christ and what He did for us on the Cross. He bore our sins. He took our punishment. We are so undeserving, but He offered us GRACE! We are to share the HOPE we have in Jesus Christ! We have the best news in the entire world, and we should SHARE that…with everyone!

2.  We are to never speak words of hate.  Again, our words should reflect Christ’s love for us and for others. 

3.  Standing firm and speaking truthfully in love on what we believe as truth and supported by the Bible is NOT hate speech.  (Read Ephesians 4:17-32)  A perfect example is found in Acts 6:51 where Stephen is addressing the Sanhedrin because of their rejection of Jesus as the Messiah, he states, “You men who are stiff-necked and uncircumcised in heart and ears are always resisting the Holy Spirit; you are doing just as your fathers did.”  (Note:  Stephen did not use demeaning slurs.  He simply stated that the people were being hard headed and refusing to let the Holy Spirit work in their lives.) The priests proceeded to stone Stephen to death after his sermon and after he made this statement, and as he was falling to his death, Acts 6:60 states that “he cried out with a loud voice, ‘Lord, do not hold this sin against them!’” So, we see that even though Stephen stood firm, he still portrayed love, even in his death.  He was begging for Christ’s mercy on the very ones who were killing him.  Oh! What a profound example of showing Christ’s love, even though he was in total disagreement of their views! 

4.  There has definitely been a moral shift in our country.  Why?  We live in a fallen world.  1 Peter 5:8 tells us to “Be sober of spirit, be on the alert [stay awake!].  Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”  Our response should again be with an urgency to SHARE THE GOSPEL! 

5.  I believe that the issue is so much more than where Transgender people choose to use the restroom.  In fact, I would not be surprised in the least to discover that I have been in a restroom with a transgender person.  More than likely, I would have never known if the person just went in and used the ladies’ restroom without making it an issue. The larger issue at stake is that men can go in women’s restrooms/fitting rooms and women can go in men’s restrooms/fitting rooms, whether he/she is truly transgender or not because who is going to be “policing” whether a person truly is transgender?  Another question is what is going to stop a man who has terrible motives from pretending to be a woman from entering a woman’s restroom/fitting room?  On the flipside, what is going to prevent a woman with terrible motives from pretending to be a man and entering a men’s restroom/fitting room?  I am by no means stating that just because a person is transgender that he or she is a sexual predator. 

6.  Christians who are arguing that this is not a “big deal” need to think through this not only from a moral standpoint but also from a social standpoint.  To Christians who may not have children or who have small children who still need supervision in a restroom/fitting room, my question would be for him/her to imagine having an 18 year old daughter/ son, niece/nephew, etc.  How safe would a person feel sending his/her 18 year old daughter to Target to run an errand.  When she arrives, she has an emergency and needs to use the restroom.  Little does she know that a man dressed as a woman follows her in the restroom.  Once she is in there, he proceeds to film her or attempt to rape her or try to kidnap her for the rapid growing slave trade in the United States – Human Trafficking.  Or on the flip side of that, a person’s 18 year old son, runs the same errand, has an emergency and needs to use the restroom, and as he enters, a woman dressed as a man enters and begins to proposition the young man for sex as a prostitute.  People could argue that those things are illegal.  However, are we not encouraging those opportunities by welcoming people of any gender to use any restroom/fitting room they prefer?  Yes, I understand that sexual predators can lurk anywhere, not just public restrooms and changing rooms. The argument is that at least by having separate restrooms and changing rooms for men and women that it does call into question the motives of a person who willing enters the opposite gender’s private spaces. I believe that even those who identify with the LGBT community who have children need to consider this as well.

7.  What we need to realize is that this issue is stemming from a ruling by the U.S. Court of Appeals 4th Circuit mandating a public school in Virginia to allow transgender students to use whatever restroom/locker room he/she prefers. This is not just a secular company deciding to allow this. This is the United States Government mandating this. They based this law off of Title IX. Title IX states the following:

The U.S. Department of Education’s Office for Civil Rights (OCR) enforces, among other statutes, Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972. Title IX protects people from discrimination based on sex in education programs or activities that receive Federal financial assistance. Title IX states that:

No person in the United States shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any education program or activity receiving Federal financial assistance.

Source:  http://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/docs/tix_dis.html

As Dr. Al Mohler states in “The Briefing” on Thursday, April 21, 2016, the authors of Title IX had no idea that it would one day be used to argue for men to be allowed in women’s restrooms/changing areas and women to be allowed in men’s restrooms/changing areas.  However, the implications of this law are enormous.  Because this law is based on institutions who receive Federal Funding, which includes public schools and universities, it will only be a matter of time before every school will be mandated to comply with the new interpretation of Title IX.  Therefore, children who attend public schools will be using restrooms/changing areas with children of the opposite sex.  Imagine the implications, especially as children begin reaching puberty and adolescence.  So, before people attack others who are opposing Target’s policy, each person needs to realize that for many people the outcry is based on something much deeper.  Christian brothers and sisters who are currently sending their children to public schools and do not have a problem with Target need to ask themselves if they will be okay with this law being applied to the restrooms/changing areas of their children’s schools.  As believers who want to engage the world, public school settings give us great access to do that either through working at one of the institutions or having children who attend a public educational institution.  However, what are the consequences going to be when every public educational institution is mandated to comply with these new “Bathroom Laws?”  Do we simply disengage and send our children to private schools or homeschools?  Do we send them to school and tell them to “hold their bladders” as one article suggested – that “Christians can still shop at Target and hold their bladders.”  We might be able to make a shopping trip to Target without making a bathroom stop, but I do not think it is possible to ask our children to not use the restroom for the 7-8 hours while they are at school. Because the U.S. Court of Appeals 4th Circuit made their ruling in favor of the transgender student in Virginia, it will only be a matter of time before every Public school system and Public University will be forced to comply. 

For more on the major implications of this decision by the U.S. Court of Appeals, please read the following:  http://erlc.com/article/the-sexual-revolution-public-education-and-what-christians-should-do.

8.  For a moment, let’s take “religion, Christianity, etc.” out of this argument as far as Target is concerned (since they do not claim to operate from a Christian worldview) and as far as the ruling is concerned with the “bathroom wars.”  From a societal standpoint, what are the ramifications of this law?  Historically, society as a whole has leaned toward advocating for the rights of children and for the protection of the weak and innocent (as long as the child is outside the womb, but that is another discussion for another day).  So, why we would want to make it easier for sexual predators to have access to their “prey”?  Again, I am not saying a transgender person is a sexual predator.  I am arguing that a sexual predator could easily disguise himself/herself as a transgender person just to gain access to restrooms/changing rooms.  Also, if society and the United State Government condone these changes and enforce the new approach to Title IX, what will be next? What laws will be revoked, reinterpreted, rewritten in the future that will continue the downward spiral of society as a whole?  When will one argue for it not to be illegal to rape or sexually abuse a person?  One may think that I am taking this a little too far, but 44 years ago, the authors of Title IX did not think that the law would one day be used to grant equal access to restrooms for the opposite sexes.  It was written to give males and females equal access to public education.

9.  “Those who stand for nothing fall for anything” is an old adage that speaks much truth in the “bathroom wars.” As fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, again, we must not be afraid to stand firm on truth.  Concerning the argument that boycotting is ineffective, I have a few questions to ask.  What if Martin Luther King, Jr. had not stood firmly for social change during the horrible period of segregation?  What if he had not led thousands to boycott peacefully but to stand firm on truth? What if a peaceful protester had not softly whispered to a pregnant woman walking into an abortion clinic, your baby has 10 fingers and 10 toes?  If that had not happened, a successful college football player would not have life today.  We must not be afraid to stand for truth! On the May 5th The Briefing podcast, Dr. Al Mohler discusses the lack of Moral Courage in America.  You can listen here http://www.albertmohler.com/2016/05/05/the-briefing-05-05-16/.  I feel that the lack of courage to stand for truth is truly a reflection of the lack of moral courage in America out of fear of being called a bigot or reflecting hate, which can be seen by the many articles and blogs written to encourage Christians to not boycott Target.

I have heard the argument that by boycotting Target, Christians are hurting the minimum wage workers who are struggling to make ends meet because when corporations like Target take a hit financially it is the minimum wage workers who suffer first.  How is that showing Christ to them? That is something to consider.  I believe from a corporate standpoint it is Target who is hurting their own employees, not Christians who are boycotting. Target is making decisions that affect a majority of society and if Christians take a stand against the corporation’s decision, especially when a reasonable compromise is very easy to accommodate, Christians should not be the blame for the company’s actions.  An article I read sited the Disney boycott of 1997 when Disney started hosting “Gay Days” as an example of an ineffective boycott.  I contend that particular boycott was ineffective because Christians could simply decide not to visit Disney during Gay Days.  It was not something that was forced upon them with its backbone endorsed and upheld by the United States Government.  Disney’s decision to host Gay Days also did not freely open the doors to potential sexual predators to more easily access victims in restrooms.  Again, I go back to my previous statement in argument six.  I know that sexual predators can attack their victims in other places besides restrooms and changing rooms.  However, by keeping restrooms and changing rooms separate based on sex, I do believe that it is a deterrent instead of a welcoming opportunity.   Once again, I am afraid if we do not stand for truth now, that we will truly “fall for anything” because we are too afraid of what the repercussions may be.  Going back to the example of Stephen, he gave his life for speaking truth in love.  Are we not called to stand for Christian morals and principles no matter the result?   Again, it must be done in love and not hate or anger but in firmness and much, much love.  As a side note, and as a way for the church to show love if an individual was to lose his/her job due to the Target Boycott, the American Family Association who is leading in the boycott could establish an assistance line for those individuals. 

10.  There are many other companies who support organizations and ideologies who I do not agree with.  So, if I decide to boycott Target am I being “hypocritical” by not boycotting the other companies as well?  Once again, my issue with Target goes back to the safety issue – the willful decision to freely open public restrooms and changing rooms to sexual predators.  I reiterate--I am not saying transgender people are sexual predators.  (Please see Arguments 5, 6, and 8 again if needed).  As of now, other publicly traded companies have not mandated such a radical policy change that affects everyone who enters their businesses.  As a company that does not claim to be “Christian” one would think that the dollar would drive policy change; however, with Target the company has declared such a radical policy change for the sake of a few that I can not help but think that the bottom dollar has to be feeling the effects with nearly 1 million people boycotting compared to the relatively small number of transgender people who they declared the policy change to please.  This leads into the next point.  Target did not have to sacrifice financial gain.  The company could have simply stated that their stores welcome all people and to make sure all shoppers feel safe and welcome, they will be adding additional family and unisex restrooms and changing rooms.  Simple Solution. 

11.  Simple Solution:  For Target and Public Schools:  Keep men’s/boy’s and women’s/girl’s restrooms and fitting rooms as they are.  In Target, add additional  Family and Unisex Restrooms and Fitting Rooms.  For Public Schools, build or transition locker rooms to “Unisex” changing rooms with more private stalls and add unisex restrooms to provide options.  Do not bend to the pressure of one or two for the sake of the majority. 

Yes, as believers we do not need to expect people who do not find their identity in Christ to have responses that reflect our beliefs, but we must not be afraid to stand for truth and to engage others in healthy conversations about who we are in Christ and lovingly point them to God’s Word for the basis of our beliefs.  Just because I disagree with someone’s lifestyle does not mean that I hate them.  I am afraid that some fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who have chosen not to boycott have portrayed those who are boycotting as bigots or have at least lumped those who are in a generalized category.  If we are asked why we are choosing to boycott Target, whether it be by someone in the LGBT community or by a curious heterosexual, I believe we can very easily lead into a conversation explaining Christ’s love for everyone and the hope we have through the Gospel without being condemning…but by speaking the truth in love.  As a parent, my children disobey daily, but I still love and forgive them.  As an adult, I sin daily, but I know that I have the love, mercy, and grace of my Savior Jesus Christ. Again, we have the hope of the Gospel, and we are not called to cautiously share that, but we are commanded to share that to the very ends of the earth!  (Acts 1:8).

11. In Conclusion, it is absolutely okay for a Christian to boycott Target if that is how he/she is feeling lead to take a stand for Biblical truth and the social well-being of others as long as he/she does not portray language or attitude that would hinder his/her witness as a follower of Jesus Christ.  It is also important for fellow believers to not attack one another on their individual convictions concerning the boycott of Target and the implications of the “Bathroom Laws.”  I read an article recently interviewing a Syrian Christian who states that it is not ISIS who is destroying Christians in her country, but it is Christians destroying each other.  That is a huge indictment on fellow believers who viciously attack one another.   We are going to have different opinions even if we share the same beliefs on doctrinal foundations of our faith.  We must respect one another and show love for one another as well as those who are not Believers.  Remember the world is watching us!  In addition to and more importantly than boycotting and writing letters to corporations and law makers, is to SHARE THE GOSPEL and ENGAGE a community of people who believe the lie that Christians do not care about them.  We must present a solid front in that area!

**As I stated earlier the majority of articles, blogs, and Social Media posts that I have read have been in support of Christians not boycotting Target, even Dr. Mohler in his April 26th issue of The Briefing (http://www.albertmohler.com/2016/04/26/the-briefing-04-26-16/) implies that a boycott historically does not accomplish the targeted goal, and that it should be an individual's decision of whether or not to boycott.  Although I do not agree with his implication that since historically boycotting is ineffective that boycotting Target will be ineffective as well (see point 9), I do agree that it should be a personal conviction.  I want to conclude with sharing the following articles which take a strong stance on gender roles, and of course the last one takes a strong stance on Target.

1.) Author:  Benjamin Watson, Former New Orleans Saints Football player, now with the Baltimore Ravens. 

https://www.facebook.com/BenjaminWatsonOfficial/posts/868709509922848

2.) Author:  Tim Wildmon, American Family Association, who is leading the boycott of Target.  http://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2016/05/02/boycott-target-american-family-association-editorials-debates/83848878/

Chapter 3 - The Garbage Disposal Worked!

I'm back to my "Big Easy Saga"!  If you're just tuning into this blog, you may want to go back and read Chapters 1 and 2.  I ended Chapter 1 with and will start Chapter 3 with the following:

We arrived to our cell, parents in tow, and opened the door to a world and an adventure that would grow and stretch me like no other had in my 22 years of life.   

The heavy door swung open to brand new, fluffy, light tan carpet, freshly painted white walls (where there was sheet rock - one inside wall was completely brick), a quaint kitchen with a light green/turquoise vintage punch button electric stove that would shock the fire out of you if you weren't careful!, a mid-80s era dishwasher, and no refrigerator.  My husband, my dad, and my father-in-law did a quick walk through and immediately went back down to the U-haul to start the arduous task of unloading and wrangling furniture up the stair well, around corners, down walk ways and into our new "home."  My mom and mother-in-law immediately started cleaning and wiping down kitchen cabinets, putting down shelf paper, and getting ready to start unpacking the kitchen, because as any woman who's ever moved knows, the kitchen is THE most important room to tackle first!  I started directing the men as to what boxes went in what room, where furniture needed to be placed, and directing all of the logistics of moving in.  Then, we started having new faces "pop in" to welcome us, introduce themselves, offer much welcomed advice about moving to "The Gentilly", and guys offering to help unload, which was all wonderful and quite overwhelming all at the same time!  

Despite the smothering heat, the guys finished unloading the U-haul in record time.  I think they were actually racing against their own stamina because they knew that "having the big one" as Fred Sanford would have said or dying from a heat stroke or becoming severely dehydrated and shriveling into a parched prune was imminent.  IT.WAS.HOT!!!!  There's really no way to describe the immense, oppressive heat of that one particular day in July of 2002 in The Big Easy.  After the last item was delivered from the U-haul, I remember collapsing onto the couch, my father-in-law sat hunched on the ice chest, my dad sat leaned over in a chair, my husband was lying on the floor, everyone's faces burned red, everybody's shirts looked like they had just gone for a swim in the pool that our apartment overlooked.  I was shaking from the fatigue and heat.  And no one spoke. 

A refrigerator was supposed to be supplied, and it was, a few days later.  There had been a little mix-up in the maintenance department concerning the delivery of our fridge.  Needless to say, the little food I brought with us that day ended up in the garbage.  We couldn't keep it cold.  Ice melted as soon as it entered the humidity of the world outside the cooler.  The air conditioner in our apartment was taxed from having the doors opening and closing during the unloading process, and the inside of our apartment was hotter than the outside until the sun started setting that evening.  I'm not sure if Yeti coolers were around at that point, but even if they were, we couldn't afford one (and still can't)!  Nor do I think we need one...although I could've used one that day! ha! But one thing we did have and that worked quite well was the Garbage Disposal!

After eating lunch and delivering the U-haul back to the rental store, my dad and father-in-law headed back to South Alabama together (they lived in the same town still at that point).  My mom and mother-in-law had planned to spend the night with us and help us unpack.  Of course, there were things that we needed from Walmart, so my husband and his mom decided to head to Kenner to Walmart.  Pre-Katrina that was one of the closest, nicest Walmart stores, but it was a good drive, especially depending on the traffic.  My mom and I stayed at "The Gentilly" #219 to continue unpacking.

I wrapped and packed many of my dishes in newspaper, so my mom loaded the dishwasher with them to run a cycle to get the newsprint "film" off of them.  Then, she turned the dishwasher on.  It filled just like it was made to do and ran the wash cycle without a hitch.  Then, the drain and rinse cycle began and with it so did the flowing and gushing of water out of the bottom of the dishwasher.  The water looked like it came straight out of the Mighty Mississippi---just like that rolling river decided to take a little detour from it's winding and twisting along it's banks from Baton Rouge to New Orleans and flow right on through my "home". My Cell. #219!  Brown, murky water started flooding the kitchen floor!  My mom immediately stopped the cycle, and when she did, she noticed that the kitchen sink was gurgling and filling up with horrible, dark, thick, water.  I stood there almost paralyzed trying to think of what to do.  My mom thought that maybe something in the garbage disposal might be causing a blockage, since the water was coming out of the disposal side, so she turned on the disposal.  She made a correct assumption!!  For at the very moment that she turned on the disposal, it happened, the one thing that I so wanted my husband and brother-in-law and father-in-law to do back in January...I wanted a mouse killed! (See Chapter 2 for explanation) And, now I had a chopped up, dead mouse (we think it had been dead a while, thankfully!) floating in my kitchen sink!!!!! Hair, waste, bone fragments, lint, fragments from rat's nests, and years of pipe corrosion came bellowing out of the garbage disposal floating in the putrid waters.  My mom and I just stood there in awe!  I was actually at the point of absolute hysteria. Frozen from emotional and physical exhaustion.  And then from deep within me I started to laugh, tears streamed down my face, I fell down on the adjacent living room floor and just laughed! Mom laughed!  What else was there to do?!?!

After regaining composure, I called my husband, and after he got composure from laughing hysterically as well, we got a plan.  I called the housing department, and they were able to come and assess the situation. Come to find out, our apartment had not actually been lived in for quite a while due to plumbing problems! The maintenance department thought all of the issues had been resolved; however, from the apartment sitting empty for a while, the plumbing from our apartment down to the apartment below us had gotten completely impacted, preventing any water from flowing correctly.  Therefore, for two days, our apartment kitchen and the one below us was completely out of commission as plumbers worked to cut out sheet rock and repair the problem.  Thankfully, we could still use our bathroom, so we were able to stay in the apartment and did not have to find a temporary place.

That was just Day 1!  The rest of our first week was filled with trials.  I cried when my mom and mother-in-law left me.  I felt so alone.  So overwhelmed.  So exhausted.  Yet, I put on a brave face, and I determined that I was going to attempt to "bloom where I was planted."  However, by the end of the week, I was ready to pack up, leave my husband to complete seminary alone, and go home to my parents!

Lagniappe 1: Pity Party

Lagniappe (lan-yap) - French word for  "A little something extra"; used frequently in Southern Louisiana, and since I'm moving back to New Orelans (NOLA), I thought it would be an appropriate title to my "interruptions/little something extra thoughts" to my saga of moving back to the "Big Easy."

Pity Party:  A Little Late Posting this!  A little lengthy---Sorry!

(Three) Tuesdays ago was a hard day for me.  I just couldn't get motivated.  I felt "blah" and very emotional.  Lots of tears.  Some people may think, "Well, you've done this to yourself.  You could have moved with your husband.  It was your choice to stay behind, so toughen up."  Because I fear people think that, I am hesitant to complain.  But, that Tuesday was hard.  I was just very overwhelmed with it all---being a "single" mommy of three children and all of the millions of job titles that entails, along with trying to get a house ready to sell, continuing to substitute teach, continuing to serve in our local church, and the list goes on and on! There are many reasons that my husband and I prayerfully made the decision for the kids and I to stay behind.  And, if you want to read them, they are at the end of this post, but they're not necessary for the point of the post!  It's already long!

That particular Tuesday night, I tearfully poured my heart out to my over-whelmed husband, and I felt guilty afterward.  He's just as stressed as I am but in a completely different way.  He misses us and is very overwhelmed with his new position.  Now don't get me wrong, he's thoroughly enjoying it, but it has come with great responsibility in a completely new setting to him.  Now, like the name of my blog implies, I'm NOT perfect.  So, when I mean pity party, I mean P.I.T.Y. P.A.R.T.Y (You know, ladies, standing in the shower sobbing kind of PITY PARTY!!!) Now, I know I've been a "pastor's wife" for 10 years, and I should have this wonderfully, super spiritual reaction to tough situations.  HA!  My head knows all of the "church answers" and all of the scriptures, but I tell you, it's tough. Flesh takes over, and then, all of the doubt, worry, fear, anxiety, set-in. I was questioning God as to "WHY CAN'T THINGS EVER BE EASY?!? Why couldn't this job opportunity come at the end of the school year so we could have all moved?, Why can't our house sell quickly?, What if our house doesn't sell by May? Why, Why, Why???"  Ever been there?  Ever thought you would SCREAM if someone gave you a "church answer" when you're in that type of "mood?...because the last thing you want to hear is a "church answer," even though you desperately need to be reminded of the promises in God's word???  Been there many times.  Was there 3 weeks ago.

I finally was able to fall asleep that night, and sleep helps TREMENDOUSLY!  When you're maxed out emotionally and physically, sleep is so important.  I started reading through the Bible chronologically the first of January, and during my "breakdown" I happened to be in the book of Job!  How appropriate!  And, isn't God's timing perfect?!?!  The next morning I opened my Bible to Job 38 and started reading through Chapter 41.  Need I say more? If you haven't ever read it or have never read those chapters in the middle of what you consider to be an overwhelming season in your life, I would strongly encourage you to do so.  I've read through those chapters numerous times before but that particular morning I felt as if God's voice was asking me the questions in those chapters:
     Chapter 38:12, Rebekah, "Have you ever in your life commanded the morning, And caused the dawn to know its place?,"
     Chapter 38:18, Rebekah, "Have you understood the expanse of the earth?  Tell Me, if you know all of this."

And on and on.....to every verse.  Tears streamed down my cheeks as I sat in awe of the beautiful reminder of how MIGHTY our God is!  As my mom has often reminded me, the God who created the universe, who has taken care of you, Rebekah, over and and over and over again, is NOT going to decide today, during this season of challenges, to leave me!!!  He is Sovereign.  He knows every detail.  He knows who is going to buy our home.  He knows how many piles of laundry I have to fold.  He knows when my 3 year old decides it would be a good idea to wrangle his sissy's Beta fish with his bare hands (which happened a little more recently than this breakdown)!  He knows!  He cares!!  He loves me!!!

As I finished my time of devotion and worship that morning, I was reminded of the book by Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts.  The basis of her book is finding ultimate joy in Christ Jesus our Savior through what He did for us on the cross, sacrificing Himself for us - Grace, and for that we can find true thanksgiving.  She references the Greek word "eucharisteo" which is translated "he gave thanks" in Luke 22:19, "And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them....(NIV) (Voskamp 31).  Quoting Voskamp on page 32 of her book, she explains the following:
     "The root word of eucharisteo is charis, meaning 'grace.'  Jesus took the bread and saw it as grace and gave thanks.  He took the bread and knew it to be gift and gave thanks.
     But there is more, and I read it.  Eucharisteo, thanksgiving, envelopes the Greek word for grace, charis. But it also holds it derivative, the Greek word chara, meaning "joy." Joy. Ah...the quest for more is all about---that which Augustine claimed, 'Without exception....all try their hardest to reach the same goal, that is, joy.'"

Throughout her book, Voskamp shares how she started a list of 1000 "gifts" for which to give thanks...from "mail in the mailbox" to "kisses in the dark"...Eucharisteo.  And so, I have begun my own "list"....I haven't been writing them down....but I think I'll start.  I've been trying to be intentional when I am feeling overwhelmed to start thanking God.....  "Thank you for my home, even though it's a WRECK!  Thank you that we have had at least one person call about our house each week.  Thank you for a washer and a dryer.  Thank you for laughter of children.  Thank you for dimpled grins and snaggle tooth smiles.  Thank you for kisses.  Thank for hearing the word 'mommy' 1000 times from three very different children.  Thank you for safe travels for my husband, Thank you for this wonderful opportunity for my husband, etc."  Now, I still have moments of feeling extremely overwhelmed and utterly and completely exhausted, but at least now, I have a "plan" to combat my moments of weakness and attacks from the one who tries to rob me (and everyone!) of JOY and PEACE....Satan.  I have been more intentional about quoting scriptures to counter these fears.  Fighting back with the Sword of the Spirit!  God has been so good to continue to give friends who have such a gift for encouragement just the right scripture verses and words of truth to share with me....and no! I didn't scream at them!  Ha!  I knew it was the Lord using them to speak directly to me! So, as I end this very long, long overdue post, I remind you once again that our imPERFECTIONS are made PERFECT through the Grace given to us by our Heavenly Father as He sacrificed His Son on the cross for you and for me.

Reasons the kids and I didn't move:

1.  Finances. We can't afford to pay our mortgage on the home we own now and rent on our new house on campus.

2.  Housing.  The apartment my husband is able to live in rent-free right now is very small.  Yes, we could have crammed in there for a week or two and made it work, but the "new" would have worn off quickly and it would have been very difficult to move there for 19 weeks and try to start homeschooling (decision to homeschool will be a later Lagniappe post) and adjusting in general.  Because it is a fully furnished apartment, it would have been difficult to make the children leave their "things" and adjust to a new, "temporary" home in a permanent location still in a "topsy turvey" situation.  If we were able to move straight into our home, it would have been much easier.

3.  Moving.  Trying to save the "headache" of moving twice.  Even though we would have had to leave the majority of our things in our home here, we still would be moving two times.  Once to a temporary setting and then finally into our home.  Again, trying to save the children from the craziness of a temporary situation.  Plus, trying to sell a home while we live 2 states away would have been difficult as well.  We are trying to sell it "By Owner" to save 7% on realtor's commission!

4.  Homeschooling.  Right now, we are thinking that we will home school to begin with.  I couldn't imagine trying to move into a temporary housing situation and trying to get home school "figured out" and implemented in a timely fashion right now.  With all of this change being made official in the midst of the craziness of the Christmas season, and then my husband starting January 1 with the seminary, I was just trying to survive in our somewhat "normal" homelife.  It would have been extremely difficult to uproot to a temporary housing situation and try to start home school with a 3 week time preparation.  I want to ensure that my children receive the best education, and I knew that I could not provide that in that situation.

5.  The Children.  Yes, it is very hard with daddy being gone during the week.  However, he is home on the weekends, and for that we are so thankful. I think often of the great men and women who serve in our military who are deployed for months and months and don't get to see "daddy" or "mommy" once a week. We thought this semester of a gradual transition would be best for the children.  They would have the time to process this move the best they can in their 8, 6, and 3 year old minds.  They could finish the school semester with their friends, finish their extra curricular activities, and participate in activities with "their" church.  With it being a gradual change, we thought they might handle the actual move better, rather than us uprooting the only lives they have ever known with only three weeks warning and moving them to a temporary situation and trying to start homeschooling.  Yes, children are resilient in a lot of ways, and I've heard that repeatedly during all of this change when considering how this will all affect the kids.  But, the truth is, they are still people.  They are still going to hurt.  They still have feelings about all of this.  I can not expect them to just "be happy" and "be fine" with all of this change.  I have to acknowledge that this is very hard on them.  I have to encourage them.  I have to be "real" with them.  Our prayer is that by the time May arrives, they will be better adjusted to this "idea" of change.  Once we move, we know it will be a whole new set of emotions.

6.  A More Natural Transition.  With the children being able to finish the semester here, we would have the summer to prepare for the transition of homeschooling rather than being "thrown to the wolves" immediately! ha!

7.  Our House Hasn't Sold.  We prayed that if we were supposed to move with my husband that our house here would sell immediately.  It hasn't sold.

How Did I Get Here?

Chapter 2

I thought I might need to slow down and give a little of the "back story" to how in the world I ever agreed to move to the "very bad place."

First of all, on June 23, 2001, I married my junior high, high school, and college sweet heart, and I committed to love, honor, and cherish him, in sickness and in health, in the good times and the bad, no matter what.  I knew him when he was 14 years old and committed his life to ministry.  We were close to engagement when he climbed out of a tree stand after hunting over a Christmas break and drove straight to my parents house to tell me that the Lord had confirmed to him that He was calling him to pastor.  He had started college knowing his calling was ministry but was resisting the call to be a "preacher."  He kept "telling" the Lord..."anything but a preacher."  (He just finished his 10th year as a Senior Pastor! Don't ever say "NEVER!") After we got married, we had a year in our college town for him to work while I finished my senior year of college.  During that year, he sought counsel from many people concerning seminary, and we prayed about where the Lord may be leading us.  He felt the Lord was leading us to New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary, and I was called to support that decision, even if I didn't "feel" it in my soul!  However, I was initially OK with New Orleans because it was and still is the closest to our families.

We planned a visit to the seminary in January of 2002.  At the time, I was applying to a very competitive Master's Degree Program at LSU Health Sciences in NOLA, and I had a preview weekend scheduled.  We scheduled a preview weekend at the seminary as well, but we were not able to look at housing at that time.  I can't remember why now.  A sweet couple we knew from college lived in New Orleans (they were not affiliated with the seminary).  We got to visit with them while we were there and enjoy some fun in the city, and although the weekend was overwhelming, I started to think, "Okay, I can do this."

When we finished our school tours in NOLA that weekend, my husband and I went to my husband's family's duck camp on the Mississippi River to duck hunt with his dad and brother.  Why is this important information?  What happened there one night was foreshadowing the future, but little did I know it!!  Their "camp" was actually a very nice 5th wheel travel trailer parked in the middle of a farm field next to a levee.  There are creatures called MICE that get in those nice travel trailers sitting smack dab in the middle of hundreds of acres of flooded rice fields, and one just so happened to be in the trailer that night!  My father-in-law and brother-in-law (who wasn't married at the time) had so nicely given my husband and me the one "bedroom".  We were already in bed, and I heard my BIL loudly whisper to my FIL that there was a mouse running around.  They both tried to get it unsuccessfully, and they were trying to be very quiet.  However, when the "door" to the bedroom is a thin, sliding, contraption made of something similar to velum, you hear EVERYTHING!!!  I finally heard my BIL "whisper" to my FIL, "Let's just pretend we got it.  She'll never know!" (Wonder if he could get away with that now that he's married? ha!) Of course, by that point my heart was pounding in my head, and I was ready to kill 3 men, including my husband for NOT DOING SOMETHING!!!  For CRYING OUT LOUD, I had agreed to go to a duck camp and was planning to hunt the next day!!!  He could at least kill the mouse!!!!!  Like I said, little did I know how that mouse was a sign of things to come!  I'll explain further in Chapter 3 or 4!

I lived through that weekend, and we arrived to June 2002.  We needed to go back to NOBTS to finalize our pending move and to settle on housing.  We finally got to look at our on-campus housing options.  We walked in the one and only on-campus housing option available, and I burst into tears.  If looks could kill, I would be dead.  My husband was furious that I was standing in the middle of this apartment crying in front of a total stranger who probably thought I was THE.MOST.SPOILED.WOMAN TO EVER LIVE!!  It was basically one big room with a small bedroom and bath off to one side.  Three rooms total.  And OLD. VERY OLD.  Like 50-60 years old with no updates besides lots and lots of white paint old.  And it smelled OLD.  Looking back it was not as bad as what I perceived at that moment.  I could have lived there and made it cute and made it "mine," but at that point in my life, I was quite overwhelmed and immature in a lot of ways.  (And in the Seminary's defense they were in the process of making plans to add more updated housing.) My husband tried to smooth things over with the housing guy who was trying his best to reassure me.  We left the apartment building with the guy saying he "might" have an off-campus apartment that "might" be available in July, and that if we wanted, we could come look at his and his wife's apartment in that building so we could have a general idea of what the possibility might look like (We could not see the actual #219).  So, we drove to The Gentilly apartment complex at 5700 St. Anthony Avenue.  The outside was definitely a little overwhelming; (I hope you gathered a little of that from my description in my previous post) however, the actual units inside were much nicer.  Two bedrooms, one bath, a small kitchen with a living and dining area.   The building was still old, but it had been updated a little better.  I felt better.  There was hope!  All I needed to start doing now was PRAYING that we could get in the unit that was a "maybe".  Finally, confirmation arrived that #219 was open, and that it was ours!  Thankful!  I was back to the "I can do this," and then, the actual day arrived . . .

The Big Easy.....

I mentioned in my previous post that my life or I should have said my family's life has taken an interesting turn in the past few months.  My husband has recently made a transition from a full time Senior Pastor of a Southern Baptist Church to an Associate Dean and Assistant Professor at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary.  We are truly humbled by this calling and transition, but at the same time it has been a little overwhelming dealing with all of this change.  The children and I are staying in our current town while we try to sell our home and to allow our two oldest children to finish school.  My husband is living in New Orleans during the week and traveling home on the weekends.  We have been blessed beyond measure by our congregation who has asked my husband to continue to preach on Sunday mornings while we as well as the church are in this "transition" phase.  It means so much to my family that our church family would want him to do that....such a unique relationship!

I have been thinking so much about where my "adventure" first began in New Orleans and how our family is preparing to move back there.  I thought it may be best to start with the very beginning of our "journey" for you to understand where we've been and how far we've ....or I've come....to even be willing to consider moving back to "The Big Easy"......because living there and moving there as a "newly" married couple (we had just celebrated our 1 year anniversary) was NOT EASY!!!!  This is going to be a rather lengthy "retelling" of my story, so I will write in "Chapters" with other "thoughts" and stories thrown in the middle of those "Chapters."  I know ....probably not the most cohesive structure...hence imPERFECT!

Disclaimer:  Remember I'm writing real truths and struggles of my life!  I have said things and responded in ways that I'm ashamed of; however, I am writing my story in hopes of encouraging others to know that we all have struggles and through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ can we be made PERFECT!

Chapter 1
     It was July of 2002 at 5700 St. Anthony Avenue, New Orleans, Louisiana.  My husband and I, my parents, and my husband's parents had just stepped out of our vehicles.  The sun and heat pierced through our souls and any other living creature, for that matter.  The heat hummed and radiated in our ears, thicker than the black mud on the banks of the Mississippi.  The humidity soaked every inch of our bodies until we were covered in perspiration --- hair matted to the back of our necks and legs and arms, little trickles of wetness pooled on our upper lips and slid down the side of our faces faster than the white waters flowing over Niagra Falls.  Mind you, we had only been out of our vehicles for approximately 5 minutes.  This was the first indication that we had arrived in a place only a couples of inches above hell!  (Especially since New Orleans is below sea level!) (And so that I won't be misunderstood, I'll change "hell" to a "very bad place.")

     The second indication that we had arrived to a "very bad place" was the fact that we were standing outside a prison - "Fort Gentilly" as my dad rightly named it.  Stout wrought iron gates and heavy iron bars kept the public from entering the building.  Wire fencing with rolled barbed wire stood at attention around the perimeter of one of the parking lots.  A security officer "walked the beat" 24/7.  And, inside this prison was a "cell" just for my husband and me. Cell #219.  Apartment #219.  Second floor.  Up the concrete and steel stairs, down the walkway to the middle of the north side.  We arrived to our cell, parents in tow, and opened the door to a world and an adventure that would grow and stretch me like no other had in my 22 years of life.  

To be continued...

I'm Back!

Well, I've been "gone" for over a year now, and I know....I didn't keep my promise on completing my "For Crying Out Loud" saga from 2013.  I issued an "Apology" and "promised" to finish it and to push through in my blogging efforts.  However, I fell very short, and I have definitely failed miserably in the area of blogging.

My life, however, has taken an interesting turn recently, and I want to be more intentional about documenting my "story/journey."  I have a whirlwind of "thoughts" throughout my crazy days, and I really do have a desire to write them down.

So, I'm not going to make promises, but I am going to make a good, strong effort to be more intentional about blogging/journaling my imPERFECT life!